Summer is over.

Summer is over for some of us :/ I am so going to miss Rachel and John like no other. I will make sure I will see them the days they come back to visit! It's going to be crazy not having to go back to school and seeing a bunch of people I do not like ha. So I went on a hike the other day and that was so refreshing, I would love to do it again. Only with people who will make it to the top! Ha. Tonight I went with Tally to U-Swirl and it was delicious. I'm gonna have to take Jessica there now. I need to spend some more time with Deven and Molly. Mine and Deven's schedules are so off though and Molly, God knows what she's doing now a days lol ( didn't mean it in a bad way). I had a good birthday, it wasn't a big deal but everyone made it fun and I absolutely love all my friends. It was my first time having Ihop at 3 in the morning! That was pretty cool. I am kinda glad summer is over, it means only one thing; Winter is coming soon! I like cold weather because I can dress all warm! Since summer is over I am going to start going to the gym a lot more, work, save my money, and figure out what I want to do for school because I have no choice but to go in January. It's not too much pressure. I seriously can't handle pressure what so ever. It's a horrible feeling. Lately I've been feeling under a lot of pressure but it's slowly going away. I'm real happy with life though, everything is going good. Besides the fact that my mom is still crazy, I am living everyday to its fullest. I keep having this crazy/ridiculous/undescribable dream! It's kinda cool and I don't want to wake up from it but at the same time it's so weird. If someone were to ask me what it's about, I could not tell you. It's cool and I just want to keep sleeping! People say dreams have meanings. I wish I knew the meaning behind mine. Maybe I'll do some reshearch and I'll get back to you on that.

Seahorses.

I am so speechless with how beautiful this necklace is.

I don't know why i am so fascinated with seahorses, but they are beautiful creatures! I would love to get the tattoo i drew out but as we all know, I'm a little scared. I found out that Seahorse tattoos are said to represent the inner desires of a woman to have a partner who is as courageous and chivalrous as the knight on the horse. Seahorse tattoos are sweet and clean which can be worn as small as possible and anywhere you like. The seahorse also represents the free spirit. A seahorse is generally very small and swim about in the oceans freely. So, the seahorse can symbolize the freedom to roam around anywhere you want and think freely. The movement of a seahorse is very elegant and thus can impart the fact that the wearer is as elegant in his or her behavior and mannerisms. How awesome!

Find out who you are, and do it on purpose.

"We won't say our goodbyes, You know it's better that way. We won't break, we won't die. It's just a moment of change" - OneRepublic

I'm going to try to keep this short and simple, but I might even add some to my list of things I want to do (no specific order);

1. Fall deeply in love,helplessly and unconditionally.

2. Graduate from college.

3. Become a bartender.

4. Meet someone famous.

5. Travel the world.

6. Go on as many cruises as i can.

7. Go scuba diving in the great Barrier Reef

8. Have the most amazing wedding (never get divorced).

9. Get a tattoo.

10. Have two kids.

11. Swim with a dolphin.

12. Appear on tv.

13. Send a message in a bottle.

14. Stand under a waterfall.

15. Kiss in the pouring rain.

16. Write my will.

17. Buy my own house and make it exactly how I want it.

18. Go up in a hot air balloon.

19. Throw a huge party.

20. Make a difference to someone else's life.

21. Change a flat tire.

22. Meet someone who will make a difference in my life.

23. Have a whole day dedicated to baking with the girls.

24. Get drunk to where I don't remember a thing in the morning.

25. Ride the subway.

26. Visit all the States.

27. Ride in a submarine.

28. See the Great wall of China .

29. Stay up all night and watch the sunrise.

30. Start my own scrapbook of my life.

31. Go camping.

32. Lay in bed for an entire day.

33. Vote.

34. Try new foods.

35. Stay the night on a rooftop.

36. Fall asleep under the stars.

37. Explore a rainforest.

38. Climb to the top of a mountain.

39. Have my own therapist.

40. Learn to play an instrument. (preferably a piano)

41. Take a class on Photography.

42. Go to school for Cosmetology.

43. Go on some crazy adventure.

44. Be completely happy with who I am.

45. Sit at starbucks with my laptop and drink some coffee.

46. Make a list of something I learned everyday.

47. Watch a meteor shower outside the city.

48. Whale watch.

49. Have a lot of money.

50. Come up with another 50 things to do!

I'll add more as they come to me, that's all i can think of right now.

Float on.

So talking helps me out so much, there are times when I wish I could see a therapist. Not because I have issues (well sometimes lol) but just so I can get off my chest whatever is bothering me. I know i have my friends, but I just want someone to just sit and listen instead of me feeling like I'm taking up their time. A lot of times I wish I lived a better life because I feel like I miss out on a lot. My mom is a big part of that! I just can't stand her. There's not one thing about her that I love. It's sad because some people say their mom is their best friend. My Aunt is the only family I consider my best friend. She understands the things I go through and I always tell her everything. She is the only person that knows me all around. If I say I'm going to do something and really I'm probably not going to, she already knows. A lot of the time I will fight her and keep saying I will but in the end she wins. I love trying to prove people wrong, even when I can't. It's just a challenge and it's entertainment to me I guess. But anyways, I figured something out, well I kinda mentioned it before, but I put a little more thought into it. People need to be brave. I can't live my life holding back anymore. I need to live (nothing illegal though, I'm not trying to go to jail) lol but like with me wanting a tattoo, getting piercings, not being shy, and falling in love. I seriously cant tolerate pain. Pain and I will never be together. Nope, but I have to suck it up and love it! Haha! I'm so shy around stangers, sometimes I wish I could be crazy like Tally, upfront like Molly, or even Friendly like Brittany. And with falling in love, Fuck being scared. I'm over it. Whatever happens happens. For every relationship I had, it's in my past. I know my past and I do not regret any of it, but I won't let it decide my future. It's getting closer to my birthday! Finally, I'll be 18. Not a big deal, but I'm officially an adult and behind everyone else. The minute I wake up that day, I want to be out doing something, I don't even want my mom to get me anything because she is always complaining about all the things she does for me and how I don't appreciate them. She always says how she does "so" much for me. She goes into detail and starts mentioning buying me food and shampoo and hairspray etc. Like seriously, what the fuck. You are my mother, that is your job. Too bad for her she still has 14 more days to buy me those things. She's so hypocritical with almost everything that comes out her mouth. She calls me lazy and I wonder where I get it from, then she says I complain all the time. She says I disrespect her, she's right, I have no respect for her. She is constantly drinking to hide from her problems and she claims I have no sympathy, when she has called me a cunt to my face (while under the influence of alcohol) called Chuck a piece of shit and talks shit about Nathaniel's mom in front of him. What kills me is she always asks me " You don't tell people what go on in this house right?" I use to not, I was little and didn't want to get in trouble. Now I could careless. I don't care about her, she will hurt anyone. I don't fucking get it, it's like she thinks she's better than all of us. Sometimes I wonder why she complains so much about what I do. She never helped with school, never was excited about me going to dances, never even paid for my dresses, shoes, anything. It was always my dad or my grandparents. She isn't a mother to me. She will yell and yell and then when she sees you are having an attitude with her and all mad at her she tries to make you tell her you love her. There are times were on the phone and she will try to force me to say "I love you" like I mean it. uh?! She makes it out to be like I owe her my life for her having me. I don't owe her fucking shit. Never will. I would glady tell Chuck I love him in a heartbeat rather than telling my mom. I get so upset thinking about the person she is. Then she gets all butthurt if she finds out that I was talking about her to someone. Why do you get upset? Are you worried about what other people think about you? You always say "I don't care what other people think" But I believe that is a lie, You do, very much, care what other people think of you. You never say sorry for the things you say. That's how fucking self centered you are, you can't apologize for the wrong things you do. But you will make me stand there and apologize to you for "having an attitude". Honestly, everyday I hate you more and more, Your own mother and father think you are crazy. Chuck is scared to leave you, Nathaniel wont live with his dad because that would mean he would have to suffer being around you, and Keanu is 6 years old and, because he fully doesn't understand, will tell people you get drunk. How embarrassing. Then you say things like how when you get old that I need to either find a rich man, or become a doctor to take care of you. HA! When you're old you better pray that Keanu will have the heart to take care of you. I wont be like you.