All the right friends in all the wrong places.

Secrets. In the end it will hurt someone. The worst kind is when you can't tell someone who needs to know the most. Is it your place? Are you risking another friendship over it? To me, it's something I didn't already know. Kinda like "I told you so." So I don't feel bad knowing. It's one of those things if you could tell them, they either wouldn't believe you or it would start something you never wanted to be a part of. I've been struggling with three friendships for the past month or so. One I was able to fix, we are just so much alike that we butt heads all the time. But in the end we're going to be there for each other no matter what. Thats what friends do. There til the end no matter what. Another friendship, it's so frustrating to explain or talk about anything with them because they are so hardheaded that everything you say goes through one ear and out the other. I'm pretty much talking to myself. Were on a completely different level and sometimes I believe this person is so naive when it comes to certain situations. The last friendship, it's coming to an end and I can't say I'm upset about it either. I've heard the shit and see the way they act. Sometimes you need to grow up and stop thinking that everything you say and do wont one day catch up to you because it will. Because of you, I officially know the definition of someone who is fake.
It's hard to find good friends, but I already know which ones I can count on and thats really all that matters.

I'm down like the economy.

So I could totally fall in love with anyone who will sing John Mayer to me. Omg. Talk about perfect. So it's getting pretty bad with me wanting to travel. I just wish it wasn't so expensive. The last couple of nights had me on memory lane. whoa. Some things felt like it just happened yesterday, like I could tell you in detail what everyone was wearing and saying and how the weather was. I look back and it's like wow,it's hard to find words. I wouldn't change my past for anything, it's got me where i am now. Everything happened so fast, and even more is happenning as we speak! I totally caved in and decided that this halloween I will get in the spirit. I guess I'll be going to Halloween parties! Or not.....
Anyways, It's so late, I'm in love with the cw, a little disappointed with one tree hill but I enjoy watching the shows with the girls and having stephany ask a million questions. lol My group of friends got smaller, but since high school is long gone, it's a lot easier not to care. Can't wait for my high school reunion! HA!
Oh tonight I realized I like discovering new feelings. Separating them and figuring out how to control them. It's kinda cool. I figured that i can't just stay happy all the time, or mad, I like my feelings on a rollercoaster. (okay weirdo) lol I'm not bipolar just understanding these crazy feelings! It's a little hard to explain.
I hate to admit this, but I'm bored. I think Molly is going to get sick of me because I'm going to be tagging along with her from now on. ha I use to not like to go anywhere or do anything but you're only young once! that has nothing to do with anything but when do I ever make sense?!
Omg I cannot get over the fact that vegas being a big city and all, it's actually very small when it comes to knowing people. Everyone knows everyone and it's all fun and games when you find out how! well to me and molly it's funny. Whenever we're together I point out everyone and most of the time it's people she knows more than I do! What can I say, I have good eyes. lmao I actually don't but who cares? ( I don't)
To sum this all up, I am going to live my life on the edge! Whoooo!
btw, in n out is so overrated, seriously, if I have to go there again after today's date; just know it was against my will.
My new love is super taco. I think that's what it's called. yummmy. Thanks to Jordan Karl! :]

Tally's Prank.

So Jessica and I decided to wait for Tally after work.
she told us she gets off at 10:30 pm from target so we wanted to go hide in her car to scare her.
Welll......
this bitch didn't get off until 11 and we were in her car for about 40 minutes!.
Good fucking thing you don't need her car to be on to roll down her windows. We were able to get in her car because she never locks her trunk. Hopefully she does from now on.
But back to my story,
It was so hot we were so close to just giving up and going back to my car. But then we just decided to sit normal in her back seat and see if she even notices us. Us knowing Tally, we bet she wouldn't even notice.
Her windows arent even tinted! so she could of seen us easily.
She walks out with two co workers and they are walking to their car which is behind hers.
She comes to her car and unlocks it. As she opens the door the light in her car comes on.
at this point i am thinking, fuck she is going to see us no doubt.
Then she sits down and is about to start her car.
wow she didnt even notice us. in my head i was saying "tally is so stupid!!!!"
I cover my mouth to hold back from laughing but she kinda heard and turns around screaming like someone is about to murder her.
I almost died laughing.
Her co workers heard her scream and once they saw me get out of the car laughing they started laughing.
It was the funniest thing in the world.
The look on tallys face when she saw us was priceless.
I wish i recorded it like i was planning but i forgot.
Just thinking about it makes me laugh so hard.
for anyone who knows tally, I'm sure you could picture exactly what happened.
omg. I just can't stop laughing.

Friends.

The reason behind me wanting new friends.
One complains we never hangout enough, so when I do offer, they have other things going on. Um, it's a two way road to make something work. To make anything work with another person you need to be on the same page. it's like no one understands that. One feels that they can call or text me whenever they feel is necessary. That gets old quick. I don't take things lighty especially when it comes to friendship. I don't lend shit out so you can leave it at someone else's house and tell me I'm SOL with it. I'm so sick of playing little games when were not in high school anymore. this "he said/she said" bullshit. If you have a problem or you "heard" something, come talk to me. Don't start drama over little bullshit. Life isn't about pleasing everyone, sorry to say but you will lose friends along the way. Yeah it's sad but oh well, the time spent with them was good but if shit didn't work out then get over it. I don't see the point of going out of my way to be somebody's friend anymore. I'm just done. Sometimes I don't let things go but that's just how I am. I've been fucked over so many times that it's going to take a lot for me to just let it go if you disrespected me in anyway and didn't apologize for it. That's who I am. A few people understand where I am coming from and others do not. Once again, I am not going to go out of my way to make you understand. I just feel like I don't have a close friend. Lately I've been keeping to myself. Sometimes I just wish I had someone to tell everything to and trust them completely.

Summer is over.

Summer is over for some of us :/ I am so going to miss Rachel and John like no other. I will make sure I will see them the days they come back to visit! It's going to be crazy not having to go back to school and seeing a bunch of people I do not like ha. So I went on a hike the other day and that was so refreshing, I would love to do it again. Only with people who will make it to the top! Ha. Tonight I went with Tally to U-Swirl and it was delicious. I'm gonna have to take Jessica there now. I need to spend some more time with Deven and Molly. Mine and Deven's schedules are so off though and Molly, God knows what she's doing now a days lol ( didn't mean it in a bad way). I had a good birthday, it wasn't a big deal but everyone made it fun and I absolutely love all my friends. It was my first time having Ihop at 3 in the morning! That was pretty cool. I am kinda glad summer is over, it means only one thing; Winter is coming soon! I like cold weather because I can dress all warm! Since summer is over I am going to start going to the gym a lot more, work, save my money, and figure out what I want to do for school because I have no choice but to go in January. It's not too much pressure. I seriously can't handle pressure what so ever. It's a horrible feeling. Lately I've been feeling under a lot of pressure but it's slowly going away. I'm real happy with life though, everything is going good. Besides the fact that my mom is still crazy, I am living everyday to its fullest. I keep having this crazy/ridiculous/undescribable dream! It's kinda cool and I don't want to wake up from it but at the same time it's so weird. If someone were to ask me what it's about, I could not tell you. It's cool and I just want to keep sleeping! People say dreams have meanings. I wish I knew the meaning behind mine. Maybe I'll do some reshearch and I'll get back to you on that.

Seahorses.

I am so speechless with how beautiful this necklace is.

I don't know why i am so fascinated with seahorses, but they are beautiful creatures! I would love to get the tattoo i drew out but as we all know, I'm a little scared. I found out that Seahorse tattoos are said to represent the inner desires of a woman to have a partner who is as courageous and chivalrous as the knight on the horse. Seahorse tattoos are sweet and clean which can be worn as small as possible and anywhere you like. The seahorse also represents the free spirit. A seahorse is generally very small and swim about in the oceans freely. So, the seahorse can symbolize the freedom to roam around anywhere you want and think freely. The movement of a seahorse is very elegant and thus can impart the fact that the wearer is as elegant in his or her behavior and mannerisms. How awesome!

Find out who you are, and do it on purpose.

"We won't say our goodbyes, You know it's better that way. We won't break, we won't die. It's just a moment of change" - OneRepublic

I'm going to try to keep this short and simple, but I might even add some to my list of things I want to do (no specific order);

1. Fall deeply in love,helplessly and unconditionally.

2. Graduate from college.

3. Become a bartender.

4. Meet someone famous.

5. Travel the world.

6. Go on as many cruises as i can.

7. Go scuba diving in the great Barrier Reef

8. Have the most amazing wedding (never get divorced).

9. Get a tattoo.

10. Have two kids.

11. Swim with a dolphin.

12. Appear on tv.

13. Send a message in a bottle.

14. Stand under a waterfall.

15. Kiss in the pouring rain.

16. Write my will.

17. Buy my own house and make it exactly how I want it.

18. Go up in a hot air balloon.

19. Throw a huge party.

20. Make a difference to someone else's life.

21. Change a flat tire.

22. Meet someone who will make a difference in my life.

23. Have a whole day dedicated to baking with the girls.

24. Get drunk to where I don't remember a thing in the morning.

25. Ride the subway.

26. Visit all the States.

27. Ride in a submarine.

28. See the Great wall of China .

29. Stay up all night and watch the sunrise.

30. Start my own scrapbook of my life.

31. Go camping.

32. Lay in bed for an entire day.

33. Vote.

34. Try new foods.

35. Stay the night on a rooftop.

36. Fall asleep under the stars.

37. Explore a rainforest.

38. Climb to the top of a mountain.

39. Have my own therapist.

40. Learn to play an instrument. (preferably a piano)

41. Take a class on Photography.

42. Go to school for Cosmetology.

43. Go on some crazy adventure.

44. Be completely happy with who I am.

45. Sit at starbucks with my laptop and drink some coffee.

46. Make a list of something I learned everyday.

47. Watch a meteor shower outside the city.

48. Whale watch.

49. Have a lot of money.

50. Come up with another 50 things to do!

I'll add more as they come to me, that's all i can think of right now.

Float on.

So talking helps me out so much, there are times when I wish I could see a therapist. Not because I have issues (well sometimes lol) but just so I can get off my chest whatever is bothering me. I know i have my friends, but I just want someone to just sit and listen instead of me feeling like I'm taking up their time. A lot of times I wish I lived a better life because I feel like I miss out on a lot. My mom is a big part of that! I just can't stand her. There's not one thing about her that I love. It's sad because some people say their mom is their best friend. My Aunt is the only family I consider my best friend. She understands the things I go through and I always tell her everything. She is the only person that knows me all around. If I say I'm going to do something and really I'm probably not going to, she already knows. A lot of the time I will fight her and keep saying I will but in the end she wins. I love trying to prove people wrong, even when I can't. It's just a challenge and it's entertainment to me I guess. But anyways, I figured something out, well I kinda mentioned it before, but I put a little more thought into it. People need to be brave. I can't live my life holding back anymore. I need to live (nothing illegal though, I'm not trying to go to jail) lol but like with me wanting a tattoo, getting piercings, not being shy, and falling in love. I seriously cant tolerate pain. Pain and I will never be together. Nope, but I have to suck it up and love it! Haha! I'm so shy around stangers, sometimes I wish I could be crazy like Tally, upfront like Molly, or even Friendly like Brittany. And with falling in love, Fuck being scared. I'm over it. Whatever happens happens. For every relationship I had, it's in my past. I know my past and I do not regret any of it, but I won't let it decide my future. It's getting closer to my birthday! Finally, I'll be 18. Not a big deal, but I'm officially an adult and behind everyone else. The minute I wake up that day, I want to be out doing something, I don't even want my mom to get me anything because she is always complaining about all the things she does for me and how I don't appreciate them. She always says how she does "so" much for me. She goes into detail and starts mentioning buying me food and shampoo and hairspray etc. Like seriously, what the fuck. You are my mother, that is your job. Too bad for her she still has 14 more days to buy me those things. She's so hypocritical with almost everything that comes out her mouth. She calls me lazy and I wonder where I get it from, then she says I complain all the time. She says I disrespect her, she's right, I have no respect for her. She is constantly drinking to hide from her problems and she claims I have no sympathy, when she has called me a cunt to my face (while under the influence of alcohol) called Chuck a piece of shit and talks shit about Nathaniel's mom in front of him. What kills me is she always asks me " You don't tell people what go on in this house right?" I use to not, I was little and didn't want to get in trouble. Now I could careless. I don't care about her, she will hurt anyone. I don't fucking get it, it's like she thinks she's better than all of us. Sometimes I wonder why she complains so much about what I do. She never helped with school, never was excited about me going to dances, never even paid for my dresses, shoes, anything. It was always my dad or my grandparents. She isn't a mother to me. She will yell and yell and then when she sees you are having an attitude with her and all mad at her she tries to make you tell her you love her. There are times were on the phone and she will try to force me to say "I love you" like I mean it. uh?! She makes it out to be like I owe her my life for her having me. I don't owe her fucking shit. Never will. I would glady tell Chuck I love him in a heartbeat rather than telling my mom. I get so upset thinking about the person she is. Then she gets all butthurt if she finds out that I was talking about her to someone. Why do you get upset? Are you worried about what other people think about you? You always say "I don't care what other people think" But I believe that is a lie, You do, very much, care what other people think of you. You never say sorry for the things you say. That's how fucking self centered you are, you can't apologize for the wrong things you do. But you will make me stand there and apologize to you for "having an attitude". Honestly, everyday I hate you more and more, Your own mother and father think you are crazy. Chuck is scared to leave you, Nathaniel wont live with his dad because that would mean he would have to suffer being around you, and Keanu is 6 years old and, because he fully doesn't understand, will tell people you get drunk. How embarrassing. Then you say things like how when you get old that I need to either find a rich man, or become a doctor to take care of you. HA! When you're old you better pray that Keanu will have the heart to take care of you. I wont be like you.

Hold my breath and count to ten.

I've been thinking a lot, nothing bad, don't worry too much. It still hasn't hit me that this summer isn't like the rest. Where did time go? Summer is almost over and my brithday is taking forever to come! You know when you go to a coffee shop and you see people drinking coffee and sitting there on their laptop, I want to do that (now that I have a laptop). I always picture sitting there, typing away how I feel and listening to the music they play. I absolutely love John Mayer, Daughters is my favorite song, I'm currently listening to it as I type :]. It's music that is relaxing, you'll never hear Lil' Wayne in Starbucks. How funny would that be, haha! Music has definitely put meaning into my life, kind of like watching a movie. What is a movie without music, a movie with no mood. Especially those girly movies, they always play the best songs! I enjoy watching chick flicks, but that stuff never happens in real life. Guys don't run after girls anymore, going out of their way to get the girl they've been wanting. Girls love watching movies like that, obviously, because they want a guy like that. Hello Boys, Wake up, learn to be gentlemen. I only say that because I know a bunch of guys who still act like they are 16. High school is over and you have to grow up and mature. I think guys are immature because they hide their feelings. Why in the world is a guy going to act immature around a girl ? Unless he is just really stupid. I really do not understand the opposite sex. I just hate trying to impress a boy into making him think I'm better than his exes or what not. Everyone has their own expectations and interests. I'm me, I don't know if that will ever be good enough or not. When you meet someone new, it's always good at first, but what about five months from then, a year, 4 years. What happens? People lose interest and I'm completely scared of that happening. I know what it feels like to be on both ends of that situation and neither side feels good. I'm so insecure with relationships and I don't let it get in the way of having one, it's just that what I've been through scares me. I hide the fact that anything hurts me. I will tell you I'm fine when I'm really not. If you pay close attention you can actually tell if something is bothering me or not. I'm really affectionate and compassionate. I would love to have a Prince Charming. A Forever & Always. Boyfriends come and go, right? They are just boys that are friends. lol I'm currently listening to "Breathe" by Michelle Branch. This song is always in chick flicks, i would know! I highly recommend that you download it to your iPod, for me :] So when you are feeling horrible, you can just play this song and think " Jasmine was right, perfect." This song actually makes me want to stand on a rooftop and watch the city. Yeah, just like they do in the movies! Of course no music is playing in the background to make it the perfect moment. If only! So maybe Sunday I will take my cute little laptop and have a cup of coffee at Starbucks. Iced coffee, more than likely, since it's like hell outside.

"If I just breathe, let it fill the space between. I'll know everything is alright." - Michelle Branch

Here it goes.

Well, I’m stubborn as hell. I don’t like to be wrong and I will never give in first. I have that “I don’t give a fuck” mentality only because I don’t like to show any of my weaknesses. People, somehow, enjoy seeing others weak or upset. I actually happen to be very caring and I have so many emotions. It’s hard to let anyone close to me because it seems like every time I do, I end up regretting it. I hide my feelings so I don’t get hurt. I’m not too big on talking about my problems, I don’t really see the point of making a big deal out of them. “jasmine is a bitch” ha yeah I get that a lot. I don’t wake up in the morning and just decide I’m going to be a bitch today. It’s either we don’t have the same kind of sense of humor or you pissed me off. I’m always nice to people I don’t know or just met, it’s not being fake, it’s being nice because they never did anything to me to be rude. I try not to judge people either unless they give me a reason to. Disrespect is such a turn off to me and I automatically lose all my respect for you. I’m finally starting my life and I’m a little scared but I think I’m going to be okay. I want adventure and I plan to travel the world until the day I die. I have expensive taste and I hate shopping unless I have a lot of money to spend. I love all of my friends dearly and if anyone talks shit about them I get offended as well. It makes me SO mad when someone says they don’t like one of my friends because he/she is weird or by the clothes they wear. To me it’s about personality and obviously you don’t have a good one if you are going to say stupid shit like that. To my friends: I love you and I’ve learned so much from each of you guys individually. Some I’ve been friends with since I was learning how to count, some throughout the years and some just the last year of school. We became so close in a short amount of time and I truly am happy that I have a group of friends that all love being around each other. Whether it‘s sitting in a damn parking lot or chillin‘ at someone‘s house there is never a dull moment, (everyone just thinks they are a comedian) lol. And for everyone else I was friends with I appreciate having you in my life; good or bad. People deserve second chances right? but I think that you have to build up and gain that trust again if you want that second chance. Second chances shouldn’t be just handed out.