Time is too short.

Well, I'm not going to California like planned, but that's okay cause I'll be going for my birthday or hopefully sooner. I've learned to not let little things bother me. I really don't have the time or patience to be there for anyone 100%. Why should I work harder for a friendship when you're not even trying? I've lost friends due to miscommunication, He said she said, being fake, just no real reason at all, drifting apart, and my favorite, drugs. I can't say that I regret being friends with anyone, it's just I'm tired of people not being a friend to me. There's only so much you can handle and we're not in highschool so you don't have to see everyone all the time. It makes it easier to let go. I always question what the definition of friendship is. I've been friends with Molly since I was five. She is my true best friend. She will always be honest with me and I know I could count on her to be there. I hear about best friends not being friends anymore because the other one slept with her boyfriend. Like what is that? That is not a best friend or a friend. I've never had to worry about Molly trying to get with one of my boyfriends. Molly and I have our disagreements and sometimes we piss each other off but when it comes down to it we always have each others back. She's like my sister. I know I can always count on Deven as well. We had our ups and downs but we talked it out, told each other how we felt, and now we understand each others needs and we fixed our problems. That's how friendships should work right? Rachel and I haven't been friends as long as I have been friends with Deven and Molly, but Rachel has shown me the meaning of loyalty. We've connected and it feels good knowing someone else has been through the same things. Losing a friend because of miscommunication or a he said she said incident are probably the worst because your friendships end on bad terms. No one wants to talk because you've been so hurt and you just believe what someone else said. I honestly do nothing but try hard to be a good friend. I recently stopped being friends with someone because they chose drugs over our friendship and then act like a complete jackass about how I feel. How do you be friends with someone who won't even take you seriously because they're so hardheaded and caught up in their own world? A friend isn't suppose to just let you ruin your life, friends are there for support yes but not when you're going around doing things that not only are hurting yourself but people who actually care. Friends are suppose to tell you the truth even if it hurts. Why would you want someone letting you do things that only causes pain? God forbid you do something stupid and it has it's consequences you're going to feel guitly for letting it happen. I care so when someone tells me they want to do drugs because they are trying to be skinny, we're not going to be friends. It shows you don't care about anyone elses feelings but your own. I'm not a bad friend and this I know as a fact. I'm always there for my friends. Every friendship should be a "meet me halfway" I'm done with disappointments.

Okay, I think I got this.

You can't run away from yourself; You're always right behind you.


It's already June, very hot :/, and it's been a year since I've graduated High School. Time really does fly by. I'm going to be blogging more. So if you read my stuff then GREAT! Ha!There are a few things I'm looking forward to just this month alone. I am sad, however, that my shows are over til fall. Bummer. But Secret Life is back on and a new one called Pretty Little Liars on ABC Family. I made Stephanie Guzman start watching it with me and they had us at cute boys!
I like Vampire Diaries on the CW and if you have to know, my favorite character is Damon (real name: Ian Somerhalder) Omg sexxxxxxxyyyyy. If you don't think so then good, more for me :D lol He is a way better looking vampire than Robert.Eclipse comes out this month and I'm not like "Omg twilight saga!!!!" But I'm totally team Jacob. I was really upset that twilight once again took over the Mtv Awards. Is it me or is reality shows taking over Mtv as well as VH1? I mean they are funny but Sixteen and Pregnant? Really?! I'll stick to the more ridiculous like "You're Cut Off" haha omg those bitches. I also tune into the OCD Project. Anyways enough about my TV life.I'm totally counting down the days for my roadtrip to California! 11 days from today.We are leaving the 22nd and coming back the 24th. It's very short but we just want to go to Six Flags and the beach. I love Venice and I've never been to Santa Monica so were going to both!I most likely wont get in the water just because I never do and I'm pretty sure it's going to be cold. I will collect seashells and write in the sand lol. I want to take a lot of pictures and I hope the weather is nice. Were taking two cars and the boys are riding with me. Little do they know I have a playlist already set for the ride. So we'll see how this goes. I've been working a lot so I could have enough money for the trip and when I get back for Molly's birthday party. I always miss it but the last two years she's been in luck cause I'll be in town! Well it's like 3 in the morning and I need to sleep because I'm going shopping tomorrow. Finally! Goodnight<3

I just haven't met you yet.

"You can choose to be happy or sad and whichever you choose that is what you get. No one is really responsible to make someone else happy, no matter what most people have been taught and accept as true." Sidney Madwed

So much is on my mind. I'm going to have to break it down and then get back to you. I haven't wrote in a while. I'm deciding if I should get real personal or keep it simple?

All the right friends in all the wrong places.

Secrets. In the end it will hurt someone. The worst kind is when you can't tell someone who needs to know the most. Is it your place? Are you risking another friendship over it? To me, it's something I didn't already know. Kinda like "I told you so." So I don't feel bad knowing. It's one of those things if you could tell them, they either wouldn't believe you or it would start something you never wanted to be a part of. I've been struggling with three friendships for the past month or so. One I was able to fix, we are just so much alike that we butt heads all the time. But in the end we're going to be there for each other no matter what. Thats what friends do. There til the end no matter what. Another friendship, it's so frustrating to explain or talk about anything with them because they are so hardheaded that everything you say goes through one ear and out the other. I'm pretty much talking to myself. Were on a completely different level and sometimes I believe this person is so naive when it comes to certain situations. The last friendship, it's coming to an end and I can't say I'm upset about it either. I've heard the shit and see the way they act. Sometimes you need to grow up and stop thinking that everything you say and do wont one day catch up to you because it will. Because of you, I officially know the definition of someone who is fake.
It's hard to find good friends, but I already know which ones I can count on and thats really all that matters.

I'm down like the economy.

So I could totally fall in love with anyone who will sing John Mayer to me. Omg. Talk about perfect. So it's getting pretty bad with me wanting to travel. I just wish it wasn't so expensive. The last couple of nights had me on memory lane. whoa. Some things felt like it just happened yesterday, like I could tell you in detail what everyone was wearing and saying and how the weather was. I look back and it's like wow,it's hard to find words. I wouldn't change my past for anything, it's got me where i am now. Everything happened so fast, and even more is happenning as we speak! I totally caved in and decided that this halloween I will get in the spirit. I guess I'll be going to Halloween parties! Or not.....
Anyways, It's so late, I'm in love with the cw, a little disappointed with one tree hill but I enjoy watching the shows with the girls and having stephany ask a million questions. lol My group of friends got smaller, but since high school is long gone, it's a lot easier not to care. Can't wait for my high school reunion! HA!
Oh tonight I realized I like discovering new feelings. Separating them and figuring out how to control them. It's kinda cool. I figured that i can't just stay happy all the time, or mad, I like my feelings on a rollercoaster. (okay weirdo) lol I'm not bipolar just understanding these crazy feelings! It's a little hard to explain.
I hate to admit this, but I'm bored. I think Molly is going to get sick of me because I'm going to be tagging along with her from now on. ha I use to not like to go anywhere or do anything but you're only young once! that has nothing to do with anything but when do I ever make sense?!
Omg I cannot get over the fact that vegas being a big city and all, it's actually very small when it comes to knowing people. Everyone knows everyone and it's all fun and games when you find out how! well to me and molly it's funny. Whenever we're together I point out everyone and most of the time it's people she knows more than I do! What can I say, I have good eyes. lmao I actually don't but who cares? ( I don't)
To sum this all up, I am going to live my life on the edge! Whoooo!
btw, in n out is so overrated, seriously, if I have to go there again after today's date; just know it was against my will.
My new love is super taco. I think that's what it's called. yummmy. Thanks to Jordan Karl! :]

Tally's Prank.

So Jessica and I decided to wait for Tally after work.
she told us she gets off at 10:30 pm from target so we wanted to go hide in her car to scare her.
Welll......
this bitch didn't get off until 11 and we were in her car for about 40 minutes!.
Good fucking thing you don't need her car to be on to roll down her windows. We were able to get in her car because she never locks her trunk. Hopefully she does from now on.
But back to my story,
It was so hot we were so close to just giving up and going back to my car. But then we just decided to sit normal in her back seat and see if she even notices us. Us knowing Tally, we bet she wouldn't even notice.
Her windows arent even tinted! so she could of seen us easily.
She walks out with two co workers and they are walking to their car which is behind hers.
She comes to her car and unlocks it. As she opens the door the light in her car comes on.
at this point i am thinking, fuck she is going to see us no doubt.
Then she sits down and is about to start her car.
wow she didnt even notice us. in my head i was saying "tally is so stupid!!!!"
I cover my mouth to hold back from laughing but she kinda heard and turns around screaming like someone is about to murder her.
I almost died laughing.
Her co workers heard her scream and once they saw me get out of the car laughing they started laughing.
It was the funniest thing in the world.
The look on tallys face when she saw us was priceless.
I wish i recorded it like i was planning but i forgot.
Just thinking about it makes me laugh so hard.
for anyone who knows tally, I'm sure you could picture exactly what happened.
omg. I just can't stop laughing.

Friends.

The reason behind me wanting new friends.
One complains we never hangout enough, so when I do offer, they have other things going on. Um, it's a two way road to make something work. To make anything work with another person you need to be on the same page. it's like no one understands that. One feels that they can call or text me whenever they feel is necessary. That gets old quick. I don't take things lighty especially when it comes to friendship. I don't lend shit out so you can leave it at someone else's house and tell me I'm SOL with it. I'm so sick of playing little games when were not in high school anymore. this "he said/she said" bullshit. If you have a problem or you "heard" something, come talk to me. Don't start drama over little bullshit. Life isn't about pleasing everyone, sorry to say but you will lose friends along the way. Yeah it's sad but oh well, the time spent with them was good but if shit didn't work out then get over it. I don't see the point of going out of my way to be somebody's friend anymore. I'm just done. Sometimes I don't let things go but that's just how I am. I've been fucked over so many times that it's going to take a lot for me to just let it go if you disrespected me in anyway and didn't apologize for it. That's who I am. A few people understand where I am coming from and others do not. Once again, I am not going to go out of my way to make you understand. I just feel like I don't have a close friend. Lately I've been keeping to myself. Sometimes I just wish I had someone to tell everything to and trust them completely.